Retitled: How to be Self-Supportive

By Jerome Dechant

Dec. 28, 2011
(Edited Dec. 29, 2011)

NOTE:  I changed the title from "How to ask the right question" because the previous title didn't indicate the main ideas presented in this post which have to do more with developing self-supportive habits than asking the right question.  (The content of this blog is substantially the same, I just changed the title, and deleted the last paragraph.)

The questions you ask determine the answers you get.  If you don’t ask the right questions, you usually won’t get the answer you are actually seeking, so developing an understanding of how to ask the question which will result in receiving the answer you are actually seeking is important.  This knowledge and understanding will also carry over into the field of asking for things in your life experiencing as well.  The reason so many people get what they don’t want is because they don’t know how to present their desires in such a way that the universe received their desire and responses to it providing, as a result of that response, what they actually desired.

The answer to knowing how to ask the right question is in knowing what you are really asking to know, then presenting your question in such a way that facilitates the answer you are seeking.  (The answer is embedded in the question.)

The inspiration for this writing comes from a search criteria used to find information on the web, which led someone to my blogs.  To the person who provided this, thank you!  You are the source of my inspiration for this writing.  Without your searching, this writing would not have come forth.

The search keywords use were:  “how to motivate the self-saboteur”

The thoughts which came to me as I read that were of becoming a better self-saboteur.  I am pretty sure this person doesn’t want to become a better self-saboteur, but rather wants to know how to be motivated towards self-success; how to become motivated to thinking, acting and being a person who is consistently, in thought word and deed, in line with his/her intended life experiencing which expresses as joy, ease and fulfillment of desires.

Sabotage is defined as: disruption, damage, interruption and/or interference.

Self-sabotage is a habit.  Right now, it doesn’t matter how the habit got started.  What does matter is taking the behavior off autopilot (getting out of the rut, breaking the cycle,) and taking back control by intentionally developing another habit to replace the self-sabotage habit, which is the opposite of the self-saboteur habit.

Something you should know about habits

Habits form by consistently thinking, saying and doing the same thing over and over for an extended period of time.  (Practice)  What then happens is the body-mind establishes behavioral patterns sort of like ruts in an old dirt road which it continues to automatically follow.  The way this works is via the concept of the path of least resistance; energy automatically flows through the path of least resistance.

The behavior of a self-saboteur therefore is behavior wherein the person established the “ruts” of putting obstacles on the path of their live experiencing.  Initially, the obstacles may have served a good purpose in protecting the person and may have been a form of guidance which turned his/her course in life in such a way as to avoid harm.  Once the habit was formed though, the intention which initiated the habit was lost and the practice continued automatically, running like a well-oiled machine and even became better at the practice which then came to be defined as “self-sabotage.”

The antithesis of sabotage

In order to develop a habit of your own choosing, you must develop presence of mind and intention.  Practicing being mindful with intention and persist in establishing the desired habit until it occurs automatically with very little or no effort at all.

Learning to ride a bike is a beneficial habit of balance.  Once you establish the body-mind habit of balancing, all you have to do is get on the bike and go, you no longer have to struggle with finding your balance, it happens automatically and effortlessly.

To establish the antithesis of self-sabotage, one must replace the destructive, disruptive thoughts and behaviors with constructive and supportive thoughts and behaviors.  As one moves through his/her moment to moment life experiencing, and encounters a thought or activity which is not constructive and supportive of one’s desires, he/she makes use of that opportunity to shift from the old habit to the new habit.  This is where presence and mindfulness are important.  Without presence and mindfulness, the habit which is already established will automatically run its course.  So the game is to catch what’s going on while it’s going on, then switch it to constructive/supportive behavior.  With practice you will develop this habit as well, so persistence is essential.

Ammunition for change

You know you are going to be confronted with the self-sabotage habit, so having ammunition already in place will aid your successfully developing a new self-supportive habit.  You acquire the self-supportive habit ammunition in your times of mindfulness and presence, like this moment now.

So, you might say something like this:  “I know these “I can’t do it” thoughts are going to occur, so when they pop into my mind, I’m going to be alert to the fact I’m thinking “I can’t do it” and rejoice in that moment because I’ve come upon the opportunity to establish my new, “I can do it” attitude habit.  So not only do you switch thoughts, but you also take action in alignment with the “I can do it” attitude habit.

Thought, Word and Deed

“I can’t do it.”  Say it out loud, “Yes I can do it” then do it.

When you first start to learn a new behavior, you are likely to be faced with failure more than once before you finally experience a success.  Knowing that you are going to fall down a lot when learning to walk and going forward anyway is how we eventually learn to walk without falling down.  Being willing to fall, then get back up and take another step, over and over again enables the physical and mental establishment of habit which eventually results in being able to walk without falling down, and being able to do so without a thought of it at all. 

Be kind to yourself as you learn new behaviors, knowing failures are part of the learning process which will fuel your success so long as you remain intent on your desire and don’t let your failures cause you to give up. (Failures cause you to give up = self-sabotage which means you’ve lost sight of your intention or end result and become fixated on part of the path getting there.)

Did I answer the question which wasn’t properly asked?  I won’t know unless the person who posed the question lets me know.  Even without a response from the questioner, the information I’ve presented here is useful to those who are faced with the self-sabotage habit.