That question is one worth considering, yet, what life is offering each of us is of less importance than how we choose to deal with it. Do we automatically adopt the victim mentality by saying or thinking something like; “Look what __ did to me?” so that we blame outside people, places and/or things for what life offers us? Then we may feel sorry for ourselves, or angry, or disappointed, or any number of less than optimal feelings about what has happened. Another familiar analogy may be 2 people receive a large basket of ripe lemons. One person may complain about the sour taste of the lemons, and not use them, but let them spoil over time. A second person may receive the large basket of ripe lemons and rejoice because he can make some cool sweet lemonade to enjoy on that hot summer day.
What would happen if instead of playing the blame game, I decided to take full responsibility for how I feel, and what I do when life offers me experiences? What if when someone says something to me that is hurtful, instead of saying that person hurt my feelings, I decided to say; “When you say stuff like that to me, I make myself feel hurt or bad”? Then that brings to mind, why did I make myself feel hurt or bad? Most likely it has to do with previously held programming, beliefs and attitudes, and if I automatically feel hurt or bad when someone says hurtful things, that is an indicator of a programmed response, not a consciously chosen one.
To get out of the victim mentality, it behooves us to take back our power, take full responsibility for how we feel, what we say and what we do regardless of the stuff life offers us. This entails being fully present in each moment by moment unfolding, and choosing what to say, what to do, what to think about life’s offering to us. I don’t remember where I first heard this, but it is a good practice to adopt to remain present in the moment, and give myself time to consider my response to what I might previously automatically responded to in a negative way. The practice is to count to ten in your mind, take a few deep breaths, establish your centered focus and in this space of centeredness, consider a response which is most beneficial for you and the person or situation you are faced with. All of this before you respond. There is a difference between responding and reacting. Reacting is acting again (re acting) which is a pre-programmed response action. Responding isn’t pre-programmed but rather a consciously chosen response action.
If we are wondering why life offers us whatever it is life is offering us, it is because of where we’ve previously put our focus (either consciously or unconsciously.) So coming from a victim attitude, life will offer us many things which fulfill our victim attitude experiences. When we take full responsibility for ourselves and our thoughts words and deeds, we are thereby the captain of our own ship upon the sea of life. We are the sovereign King of our own kingdom, which is our life expression, how we are being in the world.
If we are use to adopting the victim mentality, meditating, relaxing and focusing on our breathing will help us become more fully present in the here now moment by moment unfolding, and thereby allow space for us to recognize when preprogrammed victim mentality practices show themselves to us, so that instead of reacting, we respond. It may take practice to rise above reacting into responding, so be kind to yourself, and when you catch yourself reacting, that’s an opportunity to pause for a moment, and decide what is the best way to respond in that moment. The more mindfully present you become, the easier it will be to adopt a response mentality over an automatic reaction to what life offers you.
One last thing before I end this message: As a sovereign being, your kingdom does not include lording over others, but rather, it does include lording over your own thoughts, words and deeds. These three things are the subjects of your sovereign being domain. As their ruler, I suggest letting love, compassion, kindness, forgiveness and the like be the temperament to apply to your rulership. In so doing, you nurture and grow your life expression into its full maturity as a Divine expression of the one infinite Creator Source. There is no end, only endless expansion and discovery.
Blessings to us all.
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